we have pet lesbian snakes
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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