Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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