Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Randomize
