goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
