His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
