Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
