You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
