Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You're like the curious george of whores
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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