Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
