I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
