My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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