ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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