pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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