If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Randomize
