at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
