I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I wish there were birth control emojis
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
