mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
