are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
