Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
