update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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