just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
