i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
