If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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