My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
