You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
