the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize