Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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