I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
