I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
