he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
