Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
