i need an iv and a liver transplant
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
