you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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