if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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