they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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