she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
