I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize