oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
