It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
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the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
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I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.