apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
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Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
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This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize