he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
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you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
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you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.