you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
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What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
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He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You can't just leave with hair like that
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.