we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
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You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
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I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time