now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?