Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He went soft
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...