Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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