I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
why do cheetos always look like penises
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
