Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
