Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Blood and glitter go together right?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
