Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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