My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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