Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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