Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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