that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
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