ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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