i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
