my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
