you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
