Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
