i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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