Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
