His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
