pop tarts are not kleenex
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
