I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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