Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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