I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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