I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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