apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize