I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
