Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I need help removing her.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
