I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
