Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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