I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
