i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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